For Nicol

I imagine a sandbox A four by four foot square Some sand spills over the side And some toys lie rusting there

I am five years old And you have just turned three Your hair is dark and lovely I have some patches on my jeans

I know lots of games That I teach you how to play I'll be Luke Skywalker You be Princess Leia

Don't go near that tree, I say Darth Vader's hiding there Hide the plans in the rebel base Our four by four foot square

But you are much too daring To stay away from that tree And I must come and rescue you In doing so, skin my knee

The scrape begins to bleed I'm crying, think I'm dying You put your little arms around me Kiss my knee, and, sighing

say

There, there little fella It'll be all right That kiss has magic healing powers It turns the dark-side to light

Demons lurk in shadows Like Vader in the tree They make me want to cry out loud But I'm older now And I'm not allowed

Tragedies and catastrophes And worry for its own poor sake Things that paralyze me with terror and hatred and anger and ambivalence Delusive angst that eats at my core I don't sleep so well anymore Rage Exhaustion Rage Terror Shaking

You always come and rescue me Run your fingers through my hair Take me back to the sandbox then Our four by four foot square

and you say

There, there little fella It'll be all right This kiss has magic healing powers Sleep in me tonight