the meaning of heartache

the meaning of heartache leaps and sways deftly descends and skirts and slips from my desperate clutch that thing which does not stay

and though it strikes in the prime of youth or though it strikes at the very end of age it is always the same evil fleeting and destroyed joy

and there is nothing no single event in all of being like it to expose the stark silhouette of the demon sexless insidious cancerous just that cancer a growth which goes about in the clothing of relative purpose in this life where there is none none not an iota like esau selling his precious birth for soup at the end there's just loss defeat and more hunger

and yet there's a kind of cruel kindess to this devil unlike its cousin dumb numb oblivious slaughter walk this kind devil hurts maims and bludgeons living angels and in so doing like short round seared indy at the pit of doom saves the universe

as there's nothing at all but heartache so let every action every perfect action every perfect love activity be not bound by this doom pit

and though you kill me stupid ordinary life you may not have my actions i will stand ardent in the gates of any judgement there may be and demand if there is or ever was a thing called cause and effect a thing called justice then for every goodness i have ever undertaken in all of history without beginning the recompense i demand is that i become a being empowered to end defeat forever for me and for every single me there ever was anywhere i demand everything and you may not offer me anything less i don't care about your cars or your houses mansions your vaulted canopies of riches or your bittersweet love affairs or your trips abroad or your families or any other object which cannot stay whose nature is heartache

though i suffer countless lifetimes of dispair this goodness will remain and grow with interest and none nothing may ever blunt its brilliance

devils and demons all if you agree to be bound by this arrangement then i will agree to be bound as well

if not then there is no justice then there is only heartache heartache heartache