what i want

some kind of sadness some kind of sweet sadness some kind of true sweetness that has a taste that's sad but doesn't hurt

to be in love like this is to fear to not be in love like this what kind of hell is this heaven and i could say it's the blah blah this or the blah blah that but it's all i really want for me or anyone

and i like to pretend that i have answers because it keeps me upright most days but all i really do is ride and smash my chest against the sunset

it's enough to make you crazy a love like this makes nothing ordinary makes living effortless

and if you fall out of love like this enough times you start to feel like a parolee who just doesn't want to go back i won't go back and at the same time there's this dread and futility at the realization that you can't really do anything to make it stay except ask

and so i have an interest in magic which finds ways to do impossible things and for the magician i'm a slave, a puppet and i'll wait and i'll offer and i'll empty every single fucking activity on the table for you because without a love like this it's stupid it's meaningless it's agonizing and it's slow death

this is my line in the sand this is the hill i will die on and in a sense it's a relief to have found it if i cannot be it with wishing i will cleave it with grieving supplicant hopeful brave fearless resolute determined

this is what i want